


Pauvre Goose

by boomsherlocka



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Bedtime Stories, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Sick Bitty, The Fox Might be Kent Parson, inspired by roleplay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 13:45:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8492101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boomsherlocka/pseuds/boomsherlocka
Summary: Bittle is sick. Jack is worried. Stuffed animals are purchased via Amazon Prime.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was 100% inspired by an Omegle roleplay I did. I was so inspired that I ficced it. 
> 
> Not betaed.
> 
> Ngozi owns Check Please! All hail Ngozi.

As soon as the Skype connection went though, Jack knew that Bittle was well and truly sick. He looked watery-eyed and feverish, but he smiled widely when he saw Jack. “Hey honey,” he said, sitting up a bit. His voice was scratchy and sounded painful. “I don't feel good.”  
  


“I can tell,” Jack sighed, his brow furrowing a bit. “Did you go to the doctor?”  
  


Bittle shook his head, worrying his bottom lip. “Campus office is closed and I can't afford to go to urgent care. It's probably nothing, my throat is sore, is all.”  
  


“You look like you have a fever too. It could be strep.”  
  


Bittle's eyes widened slightly. “You don't think it's strep, do you? That's contagious. Ugh, I'm going to have to keep myself locked in my room for the weekend, aren't I? Noooo.” He dragged out the last letter until his voice cracked, then he frowned, looking out of frame. “I want to snuggle with Señor Bunny but I don't want to get him all germy. This is the worst thing to ever happen.”  
  


Jack shifted a bit on the sofa. “You can wash him after you get well.”  
  


Even ill, Bittle had mastered the affronted stare he leveled at Jack. “You can't wash Señor, he won't be as soft afterward.”  
  


Jack arched a brow. “Isn't that what fabric softener is for?”  
  


“Blasphemy and lies,” Bittle said, shaking his head as he looked back to Jack. “No washing him. Never washing him.”  
  


“I'm going to ignore how gross that is, and also forget that I've slept in the same bed as that stuffed animal,” Jack muttered, opening up his laptop. He pulled up Google. “I'm going to find you an animal to snuggle with while you are sick. One that's machine washable so we don't have to burn it when you feel better.”  
  


Bittle grumbled something about fabric softener. “I want a goose,” he croaked as he burrowed under his blankets.  
  


Jack chuckled, glancing back to his phone. All that was visible of Bittle was his bleary eyes and fluffy hair. “Why do you want a goose?”  
  


“For when I can't snuggle with my Canadian when I feel bad, I need a goose,” Bittle grumbled. “A stuffed goose. But not the food.”  
  


Jack shook his head slightly but typed in the search terms. “Right, there aren't very many choices,” Jack muttered and clicked the first one that popped up. It seemed fine, but he clicked to the next one. It had googly eyes, and the picture had the pupils going in different directions. “Alright, I found one. It's Prime eligible, and it will be there tomorrow. I just sent you the link.”  
  


Bittle groaned as he shifted closer to his laptop, clicking the link. Jack was pleased with Bittle laughed out loud, even though it sounded painful. “Oh my god how did you find one that is actually your child?”  
  


“I don't have a child who is a goose,” Jack replied.  
  


“You do now, and his name is Jean-Claude,” Bittle chided. “Man, I hope that Señor Bunny and him get along. I don't want a turf war.”  
  


“I'm sure they'll like each other fine,” Jack said, waving his hand. “They'll be best friends, despite their language barrier.”  
  


“Language barrier?”  
  


Jack arched a brow. “Bunny speaks Spanish, and Jean-Claude just speaks Goose."  
  


Bittle rolled his eyes. “Ugh, Goose is such a boring language. Even French Canadian Goose.”  
  


“That's why Jean-Claude would rather spend time with bunnies and humans,” Jack said with a nod. “He's bored by geese.”  
  


“Yeah, because geese are the jerks,” Bittle said with a nod. “Not as bad as swans, but still.”  
  


“Geese are worse than swans,” Jack argued. “Swans are too prissy. Geese? Geese don't give a fuck."  
  


Bittle laughed again. “Oh my gosh I love you so much.”  
  


Jack echoed his laugh. “I love you too.”  
  


Bittle sighed, curling into a ball. After a moment he groaned. “Ughhhh. I want my goose.”  
  


Jack closed his laptop, settling back on the sofa. “It's on its way.”  
  


“I'm not talking about Jean-Claude. I'm talking about you, silly goose.”  
  


Jack hummed, scratching his chest. “I'd come, but you'd be so sad if you got me sick.”  
  


Bittle shook his head firmly. “Nope. You stay right there. You're not getting sick on my watch. There's no way I could keep from kissing all over your pretty face.”  
  


“I could fight you off, I fight pretty dirty,” Jack said with an easy shrug.  
  


“I'm telling you, swans are worse than geese. I promise you that. What's a goose going to do, honk you to death?” Bitty shivered with a little whimper. “It's cold.”  
  


“That's the fever talking,” Jack sighed. “Get another blanket, you've got plenty of them. Señor Bunny has his own blanket. You prepare for winter like a squirrel.”  
  


“You...” Bitty began accusingly, then dragged another blanket over top of himself. “You are not wrong. And Señor deserves happiness too.”  
  


Jack chuckled. “Maybe he'll find it with his new Canadian friend, the sickly goose.”  
  


“Poor goose. Señor will have to take very good care of him,” Bitty said, his voice muffled a bit by his blankets. “Good thing he loves him so much.”  
  


“Oh? They love each other already?”  
  


“Of course? Even though they don't speak the same language. They invented their own language. It's called...Spank. No, Honkish.”  
  


“Please not Spank,” Jack chuckled.  
  


Bittle nodded once, as if making a decision. “Honkish. The communicate in Honkish.”  
  


Jack smiled. “The language of love.”  
  


Bitt's eyes widened, then narrowed again in thought. “Well...I mean...I guess. Señor is a bun, after all, but...”  
  


“Oh my god no that was not what I meant, that's gross and I'm not going to be able to sleep,” Jack said in a rush, wrinkling his nose. “That's gross. You're gross.”  
  


“You're face is gross.”  
  


“Everything about you is gross, head to toe gross.”  
  


Bittle pouted dramatically, but eventually poked his head out of his blanket nest. “I'm pretty gross. All sweaty and sticky and ugh. Why do you even like me?”  
  


Jack tapped his chin. “That's a difficult one. Why? Why? Hmm....”  
  


“Rude. So rude.” Bitty burrowed back down into his blanket, closing his eyes. “I'm just going to go to sleep.”  
  


“Come on, I can tell you a story. A really good story,” Jack said, sitting up a bit. One of Bitty's eyes opened, but when Jack caught him staring he closed it again with a little smile. “You'll like the story a lot. It's about a sickly goose named Jean-Claude who got a little confused and a lot lost.”  
  


Bitty shifted a bit, turning on his side and propping up his phone. “Okay. But it better be a good story. One with a happy ending.”  
  


Jack nodded. “Of course it's got a happy ending. Except the beginning is kind of sad, because Jean-Claude got turned around, flew South when he should have flown North. And he flew and flew until he couldn't fly anymore, because he was too tired. So he had to land.”  
  


“Oh no! Bless him!”  
  


Jack smiled, watching as Bitty folded his hands together under his cheek. “I know. He was really tired, so he looked high and low for a safe place to rest, but there wasn't a friendly face to be found. That was until he met a fox. The fox had a nice smile, and...”  
  


“Nooooo Jean-Claude stay away from the fox,” Bittle groaned, but his eyes were closed.  
  


Jack pressed on, trying to suppress his smile. “But the fox was very friendly, and offered Jean-Claude a comfortable place to rest in his den. Jean-Claude was very tired and very lonely so he agreed. He started to follow the fox into his den but he stopped because he smelled something. And that something smelled very, very good and he was very, very hungry. So he left the fox's den to find what smelled so good. And guess what he found?”  
  


Bittle hummed, cracking open an eye. “I don't know. Wait... I know! A gingerbread house.”  
  


“A gingerbread burrow,” Jack corrected. “With a pie cooling in the window. Jean-Claude was really very hungry, so he ate the whole pie in three big bites.”  
  


“Those are hella big bites.”  
  


“Yeah, he was really hungry, I told you,” Jack said with a shrug. “And he's a big goose. Anyway, he felt bad for eating the pie so he knocked on the door of the burrow to return the pan and apologize.”  
  


Bittle shrugged, the entire pile of blankets shifting as well. “He'll just have to help with the next one.”  
  


“How did you know that was what Señor Bunny was going to say? Except in Spanish, of course.”  
  


“I'm just smart like that,” Bittle said with another shrug. “Then what happened?”  
  


“Señor Bunny answered the door and said a whole lot of stuff that Jean-Claude didn't understand, but Bunny invited him in and made him work on the lattice for the new pie. Jean-Claude wasn't the best at it, but he tried very hard to impress the bunny,” Jack said, sitting up and rolling his shoulders to work the tension from them.  
  


“I'm sure that Señor was just happy that he tried hard,” Bittle said, his eyes open again, even though he looked exhausted. “What next?  
  


“Well,” Jack began, tapping his bottom lip as he thought for a moment. “While the pie baked Jean-Claude told Bunny all about his travels and how lost and confused and alone he had felt, except all Bunny heard was honking. And Bunny told Jean-Claude about his troubles too, about building his own burrow when he couldn't find one that felt like home, but all Jean-Claude heard was Spanish. But they understood each other all the same.”  
  


Bittle's eyes looked watery, and he sounded hoarse when he spoke. “Aww. Then what?”  
  


Jack shrugged. “When the pie was finished baking their shared it, and Bunny decided to share his home too. Forever, to be exact.”  
  


“And Jean-Claude didn't miss his flock?”  
  


Jack shook his head. “Nope. He found a new flock, one that tried to learn to honk but didn't do too well so they made up a new language they could both speak. One that taught him how to bake a pie and who offered him help when he lost his way. He didn't miss the other geese at all. But sometimes Jean-Claude wonders if Bunny would be happier with the other bunnies.”  
  


“Come on, Señor would hop all the way up to Gooseville if Jean-Claude ever decided to leave. He'd put up with all the honking for him. Gingerbread is easy, it wouldn't be hard to whip up a new burrow. Besides, does Señor Bunny flop down beside him?”  
  


Jack nodded. “Yeah, of course he does. They sit by the fire together all the time.”  
  


Bittle nodded. “Then he couldn't be happier. Not possible.”  
  


Jack sighed, shaking his head a bit as he watched Bitty wipe his eyes. “I love you,” he said softly, and Bitty let out a little laugh.  
  


“I know. And they live together and love each other and they live happily ever after,” Bittle said in rush before yawning.  
  


“I should let you sleep,” Jack said, smiling widely as he watched Bittle burrow deeper into his blankets. “You should really rest, you'll feel better soon. You'll go to the doctor on Monday, right?”  
  


Bittle nodded, not opening his eyes. “Yep. Monday.”  
  


“Good.”  
  


Bittle yawned again, already half asleep.  
  


Jack didn't disconnect until Bittle was snoring, just in case.

 


End file.
